Scared to use the S word

No, not that S word, I’m talking about Stress.

I know I’m stressed. There. I said it.

Thing is, I don’t give out the usual stress signs and symptoms, so other people wouldn’t necessarily know, but my health suffers. My body starts speaking to me in the way only a body can – its making me tired, and its giving me pain. The next stage will be an infection or a cold. Just you wait and see. 

I’m hanging on by my finger tips, (no sniffles yet), but its not gonna last long. I’m taking some comfort for having recognised it. Last time this happened, I didn’t realise until I was admitted to hospital!!. This is progress, I guess.  

At the moment I have excruciating pain in my neck from all the phone work I’m doing. I know I already have an RSI to my neck from the first 5 years of spending most of the day on the phone, so it shouldn’t have been much of a surprise, since I’ve just done another 2 years of the same in this job. I’ve ordered a head-set – so that should help. (It fixed it last time). 

2 of my staff of 4 have left, so I have two temps who are lovely, but not the same as my experienced staff. They require supervision, and time I just don’t have. This makes me stressed. Ho hum. One of my members of staff has just had a heart-attack and is likely to be off work for several weeks more.

At least the last member of staff, Ann, (who has a tendency to revert to being an evil back-stabbing witch if you don’t keep an eye on her) is being really helpful and useful at the moment. Trouble is, I still find myself wondering if she has an alterior motive…..

Oh, and if that wasn’t enough, my colleague is off sick, recovering  from an operation, and my manager is on a carabbean cruise for three weeks, so I’m having to cover for them too.

I think I have the right to be stressed, don’t you? 

Smiling

Last week was week 18 of cakewatch, and I had a good week. I’m losing it again.

Hurrah!!

I’ve made a start on shedding my second stone, and I’m feeling positive.

Getting Hitched

I have three weddings to attend this year. The first one was a colleague of mine who got married in a 12th Century Abbey in the Midlands. Lovely surroundings, and a nice, relaxed atmosphere about the whole day. On Saturday my best and oldest friend gets married in Kent in another civil ceremony at a country mansion house. I’m looking forward to it!

Later in the year Badger’s aunt Mildred gets married to her childhood sweetheart – the man for whom she left her husband a few years ago. Friendsreunited has a lot to answer for.  New husband-to-be has no name. I simply call him Mr Charisma to be ironic, because he seems to have no personality. This will also be a civil ceremony, and a second marriage for them both. 

So, would I, a ‘racy’ divorcee, marry again?

People have asked me this before, often when the breakdown of my own marriage wasn’t a dim and distant enough memory, and I always answered something like “No, I’ve done that once, now – I don’t have a burning desire to do it all again.” Truth is, I have too many painful memories, even now.

So as my friends experience that magical feeling of saying their vows and promising their lives to eachother, I remember how wonderful it felt at the time, and how truly awful I ended up feeling a few years later. Even so, I got married for all the right reasons, and I don’t regret doing it – even with the gift of hindsight.

So, then – would I do it again?

Maybe.

But it would have to be for the right reasons.

**** Stop Press!! ***** (Added 2nd April).

After witnessing Saturday’s wedding, I’m feeling a lot more positive about the idea of remarrying. I think I’ve found good reasons…. watch this space.               xx 

St Stephen – or at least, his entrance

I went to the House of Commons today. I felt very privileged to have been invited to attend the launch of a report, and was representing my organisation.

When I arrived, I had to queue in the biting wind for nearly an hour so I could be security-checked before entering the building. It snowed while we were waiting outside St Stephen’s Entrance, and I helped shelter a few fellow wait-ees from the precipitation. We were frozen.

And, because of the time it took to be checked, I missed all the presentations at the launch.

But I got a cup of tea in a proper cup, so I wasn’t too upset.

2 Weeks 1 Pound

This last fortnight has not done me a lot of good with regard to cake watch.

I put on pound, mainly due to several occasions where I’ve eaten out. Not because I couldn’t be bothered to cook, but because they were social events. Yesterday’s wedding buffet really didn’t help, either.

Anyway, while I’m lamenting the pound, I won’t make this all-consuming sulking. Tomorrow is another day, and I’m sure this week will be a good one.

Anyone else who is trying to lose weight at the moment – take heart. Rome was not built in a day.

Report To Sick Bay

I went back to visit ‘Dr Crusher’ again yesterday. Alas there were no automatic sliding doors, nor any sign of a tricorder. Despite this disappointment, I pressed on.

Dr Crusher said “So, I’m guessing, since you’re here, that your jaw is still a problem.”

Which was true. But I somehow got the impression that she knew I’d be back. Anyway, I went on to explain that while the underlying pain wasn’t quite so intense as it first was, the dislocating was still happening – at least once every day, and it is affecting everything I do, espceially eating and yawning. Whether I take the ibuprofen or not doesn’t seem to make the slightest difference.

She seemed to be taking all this in, but why do I always feel like I have to justify myself when it comes to medical treatment? I’m really not someone who likes going to the Dr, and I’d much rather it was all better now – but its not, and I want it sorted.

I was expecting some kind of naff examination again – but no, she turned to the notepad on her desk and wrote my name down. Then she said “I’m going to refer you to the Maxilo-Facial Consultant.”

Hurrah.

“I’ve got Bupa.” I volunteered.

Her expression brightened. “Oh that’s good!” she said “Phone them up tonight, and by the time you get to your appointment, the letter should be at the hospital”.

I wonder if she was thinking: I’ll refer you, but it will take all year before they manage to do anything.

And then: Oh, you’ve got Private Health Care! Now there’s more than a cat in hell’s chance you’ll get this fixed! Well done! I’ll get onto it right away!

So there we are. I’ve just got to book my appointment with the hospital now.  

Bad Week

I had a poor week this week on so many levels. I lost no weight, so I’m hovering at the lost stone mark again. Admittedly I had a couple of over-indulgent days, so I can forgive myself that.

I felt stressed, and had trouble sleeping. I even started wheezing at one stage, so I knew things were bad. Spent Wednesday organising myself instead, so I’m feeling better now. At least I recognised the signs and caught it early. Things weren’t always this way.

My jaw still bloody hurts. Admittedly, it has been a little better over the last 48 hours, at least the constant aching has laid off a little, but it still hurts when I open my mouth a bit too wide, (like when I’m trying to get a forkful of dinner into my mouth) and it still clicks terribly.

Slept better last night, and still remaining remarkably up-beat considering everything. Glad I’ve got Tuesday off work, though.

I’m going to be spending that day assisting a commercial First Aid Trainer for the day, to help steal  develop ideas for teaching the HSE First Aid at Work course. I know it doesn’t sound like a day off, but it will feel different. A change is as good as a rest!

How is everyone else doing at the moment? I feel like I need to hear something amusing.

Star Trek Doctor

I have already told you about the saga of my jaw, but I haven’t yet explained that I did visit the Dr last week. My GP, an indian lady whose name escapes me, even though I read it on the door every time I go in there, isn’t known to me for her bedside manner. Anyhow, Dr Crusher (As I’ll call her, in honour of the lady Dr on Star Trek), sat down and listened to my story of pain, more pain, dislocation and clicking, more pain, problems yawning and general miserableness.

She stood up, reached out to my face and placed the tips of her fingers on my TMJs (those joints which form the hinge of your jaw). She got me to open my mouth until it hurt (which wasn’t far). She sat down and announced I would need to take 400mg of ibuprofen three times a day for 14 days to rule out a soft tissue injury. Then I was to come back and see her.

Right, says I. And the dislocation is all in my mind then?

Well, It might feel a bit strange because the joint is inflamed, says she, like I’m some kind of muppet.

So I agree to take the tablets, as long as she tells me what she’ll do when I come back in two weeks, since I know its not a muscular problem.  She says she has to rule of the soft tissue injury before she can refer me to the Max Facs people. (No, not the make-up people, the maxillo-facial consultants).

Oh goody, thinks I. This is where my Bupa cover will come in handy, because I’m damned if I’m waiting six months to get this sorted out!

So, as I approach the end of my 5th day on the tablets, I can honestly say its getting worse, not better. So much for the Star Trek diagnosis.