Archive for July, 2008

“Women’s Trouble”

Don’t glaze over – this won’t be too bad once we get past the embarrassing bit. Let’s face it, menstruation is just part of life, and something everyone needs to get on with. The actual period bit isn’t so much of an issue, really – its just biology; and easy enough to cope with, but I thought it would be worth sharing my ‘Thursday experience’, so that others who might have a similar experience can share, and those who have absolutely no experience at all, can try to understand a little.

The concept of PMT is a comedian’s dream. There are so many gags you can get out of the stereotypical stressed-out maniac who will snap at the slightest thing and start stabbing people. In my experience women like this don’t really exist. For me, the 24 hours before my period is the time when I start to lose my spatial awareness and start crashing into things – yes literally! I’ve got the bruises to prove it! – and is the time when the headache starts. Its the kind of headache you get with a hangover. Everything seems slightly too loud, too fast, too busy. I want people to be quiet and leave me alone. I just want to sleep, but I know that sleep won’t cure this particular hangover feeling.

Next day (which for me is always a Thursday) I will wake up feeling like I have the flu and a hangover at once. I have a fuzzy, woolly head that feels like I’m dehydrated, but no amount of water will fix it. My limbs are heavy and difficult to co-ordinate and I feel a little dizzy. I know I must get up for work, but on such Thursday mornings, I always wonder how on earth I’m ever going to get up and go to work. But I always do. I feel vaguely nauseous, light-headed and incredibly tired. My thoughts seem slower on such Thursdays, and I ache all over. I feel bruised, like I’ve been run-over. I’m much more likely to cry at anything – especially if I stub my toe or walk into the door frame. Making complex decisions is a real struggle. I battle on. Very soon the stomach cramps will start, and I’ll need the painkillers, but I won’t let this stop me from getting on with things, even though I’d love to give in and just sleep, I mustn’t. So I regularly take ibuprofen, perhaps interspersed with paracetamol or even aspirin, and put on a brave face. No-one knows I feel like crap. Keep similing. No-one wants to know, anyway.

Still, it will only be a few hours of hell. Normally by tea-time I start to feel better. By Friday I’ll be OK again.

Its awful. But its a fact of life.



In my real life (the one outside the computer – yes, people, there’s a whole world out there!!) I deal with plenty of randoms. Many of these are people.

Here at WordPress, the cyberpixies have started generating suggested other blogs you might like to read based on the content of each post.

This can be interesting, and help to follow a train of thought, but it can generate some random connections, especially with my colourful descriptions and bizarre analogies.

Look at the last post, where I mentioned water nymphs. The random-generator has come up with at least one fishing-related link. Which, of course, is nothing to do with my post.

He He. I could have fun with this……….

No water nymph

With 8 months to go before my wedding to Badger, I went to a wedding dress shop and found the dress I’m going to wear on the day. It went well, but these things are always daunting when you’ve got a large bust and hips and aren’t going to get even one leg into a size 8….

The women in the shop run their expert eyes over your flesh, sizing you up. “What dress size would you normally be?” they ask politely, thinking quietly “Man, you fat”. I tell them I can normally manage a 16 or an 18 depending on the cut, and she says: “Well you’ll probably be a size 22 in wedding dresses then.”

Why is this? Do manufacturers think that only 12-year old girls and water-nymphs get married?

Anyway, she finishes by saying “don’t take it personally, dear – its not your fault these people label their dresses wrong.”

So, she finds some dresses for me that she think I’ll fit and that won’t wipe out my fairly meagre budget, and two of them usher me into a changing room full of mirrors where there’s no getting away from images of my lumpy flesh.

“Right, then.” says one of the women, and clearly this is my clue to take my clothes off. I find it a bit odd that there’s no attempt to shove me behind a curtain to take my kit off, but, what the hell- they’re going to see me in my underwear in a minute, I suppose, so what’s the difference?

Big fluffy socks, greying bra and big pants are quickly hidden by a mass of silk and satin and net – and I look far more presentable. The pair of them pull at the corset-strings and my waist becomes more and more accentuated. I’m not as fat as I thought I was – at least, not in these kind of dresses, where my general shape (bottom-heavy hourglass) is perfect for the style of the traditional wedding gown. The nice cleavage gets shown, while the big bottom gets hidden by the A-line, floor length skirt.

I start smiling.

After about 4 dresses (2 of which were just the wrong shape!) we’re running out of ideas. The one I liked, but seemed a bit fussy is well over twice what I wanted to pay. Then, the second shop lady says “What about that one we got over from storage that the lady cancelled her appointment?” The older woman nods, and says “We’ll try it.”

I put it on (with help from the corset-pullers) and I beam. This is it. Not only does the dress actually fit me, it is ‘The One’. I think it sums me up beautifully: At first glance, fairly plain and straight-forward, with a sensible shape – but on closer examination subtle detail that shows you its classy and expensive. No impractical long train or skimming hem, either. It is perfect.

And, while a little more expensive that I originally budgeted for – its affordable. Especially when I manage to negotiate a bit of a discount, too. So they’ve ordered me a brand new one and I should get it just after Christmas.  

Can’t wait!

I showed a picture of it to Badger, and he likes it too. ;o)

Even if I’m not a water-nymph……..

The Drawer of Sanity

At work, I have a drawer in my desk which is deep and roomy and contains work in progress. A certain amount of detritus builds up, and the more recently visited work finds its way to the top, while the less important finds its way to the bottom. Archaeologists digging in my drawer would notice the various layers of activity which have taken place, and could date the drawer fairly accurately without the need for carbon-dating techniques.

This drawer keeps me sane. I know that seems a bit weird, but let me explain. The drawer contains all the papers I’ve been working on recently, documents for reference, files, snippets of information ‘I might just find useful’, and all of my pending work.  I know that what I need I will find in my drawer. It is my to-do list in 3D format, and if I don’t know what’s in the drawer, my sanity starts to become unravelled.

When I can no longer fit my work back in the drawer at the end of the day. I know it is time to purge, and today was the purge day. I shredded, I threw away and I tidied. I felt cleansed.

There were no monsters lurking, either.

I feel better already.

“I’m a people-person, me”

… No you’re fucking not.

Anyone who says this at an interview should be shot. I should have sent three candidates for execution this afternoon.

Good Lord.

Normally people who say they’re a people-person turn out to be far less sensitive to people’s needs than the ones who keep quiet.

Remember that, folks. A word to the wise.