No water nymph

With 8 months to go before my wedding to Badger, I went to a wedding dress shop and found the dress I’m going to wear on the day. It went well, but these things are always daunting when you’ve got a large bust and hips and aren’t going to get even one leg into a size 8….

The women in the shop run their expert eyes over your flesh, sizing you up. “What dress size would you normally be?” they ask politely, thinking quietly “Man, you fat”. I tell them I can normally manage a 16 or an 18 depending on the cut, and she says: “Well you’ll probably be a size 22 in wedding dresses then.”

Why is this? Do manufacturers think that only 12-year old girls and water-nymphs get married?

Anyway, she finishes by saying “don’t take it personally, dear – its not your fault these people label their dresses wrong.”

So, she finds some dresses for me that she think I’ll fit and that won’t wipe out my fairly meagre budget, and two of them usher me into a changing room full of mirrors where there’s no getting away from images of my lumpy flesh.

“Right, then.” says one of the women, and clearly this is my clue to take my clothes off. I find it a bit odd that there’s no attempt to shove me behind a curtain to take my kit off, but, what the hell- they’re going to see me in my underwear in a minute, I suppose, so what’s the difference?

Big fluffy socks, greying bra and big pants are quickly hidden by a mass of silk and satin and net – and I look far more presentable. The pair of them pull at the corset-strings and my waist becomes more and more accentuated. I’m not as fat as I thought I was – at least, not in these kind of dresses, where my general shape (bottom-heavy hourglass) is perfect for the style of the traditional wedding gown. The nice cleavage gets shown, while the big bottom gets hidden by the A-line, floor length skirt.

I start smiling.

After about 4 dresses (2 of which were just the wrong shape!) we’re running out of ideas. The one I liked, but seemed a bit fussy is well over twice what I wanted to pay. Then, the second shop lady says “What about that one we got over from storage that the lady cancelled her appointment?” The older woman nods, and says “We’ll try it.”

I put it on (with help from the corset-pullers) and I beam. This is it. Not only does the dress actually fit me, it is ‘The One’. I think it sums me up beautifully: At first glance, fairly plain and straight-forward, with a sensible shape – but on closer examination subtle detail that shows you its classy and expensive. No impractical long train or skimming hem, either. It is perfect.

And, while a little more expensive that I originally budgeted for – its affordable. Especially when I manage to negotiate a bit of a discount, too. So they’ve ordered me a brand new one and I should get it just after Christmas.  

Can’t wait!

I showed a picture of it to Badger, and he likes it too. ;o)

Even if I’m not a water-nymph……..

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4 Responses to “No water nymph”


  1. 1 intwominds 29 July 2008 at 8:29 pm

    Hi drunken spaniel. Good to see you’re still blogging, even if not on 20six any more, which is where I found you originally. Just started a blog myself, and hope to be as good a blogger as you when I grow up! 😉

  2. 2 intwominds 29 July 2008 at 8:43 pm

    PS: belated congratulations on your engagement!

  3. 3 drunkenspaniel 29 July 2008 at 9:10 pm

    Hello Intwominds. I don’t remember you from before… My, its been a long time since I left 20SIX (crikey – November 2006!!) – although I do still check back there now and then.
    You didn’t leave a link to your blog – you should!

    Spaniel xx

  4. 4 intwominds 18 August 2008 at 1:00 pm

    I was only a lurker on 20six. Randomly I found it while very bored on O2 WAP on my phone (back when they gave me it for free – the silly people)

    I feel like a stalker now. Must go a write some actual things on my blog before they delete me for inactivity! 🙂


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