Pure Joy

I’ve just returned from a weekend at V2008.

I have learned about MDMA or Methylenedioxymethamphetamine (Methylene-dioxy-meth-amphetamine), otherwise known as Ecstasy.

I’ve heard of Ecstasy, but when the girl in the tutu with the unequal pupils told me she loved me and hoped I wouldn’t tell the police when she said she had taken MDMA, I wasn’t sure what she was talking about.

Mind you, I recognised the euphoria, the obviously enhanced sensory experience she seemed to be having, the rapid eye movements (nystagmus) and the over-the-top intimate behaviour with complete strangers. Miss Tutu was buzzing. She couldn’t focus – “there’s millions of you! You look like a kaleidoscope!” – she wanted to hug everyone in sight, take her clothes off one by one, and was telling me how wonderful everything was. She was somehow talking to me and singing along with the band at the same time, too!

The strange thing about her was that she had such an odd look in her eyes – probably a combination of the unequal pupils, and the spasms in her jaw, accompanied by involuntary teeth-grinding and clenching -so much so that she was biting the insides of her cheeks until they bled. Her temperature was a little high, and her lips were dry and cracked and crusted with blood where she’d bitten her mouth. 

She seemed like she might have been quite a pleasant, outgoing, sensible sort of girl, but she had become a caricature, contorted and gurning, and amusing for all the wrong reasons. It struck me how completely vulnerable this little girl suddenly was. Fearless, confident, attention-seeking, young, pretty, half-undressed……… who knows what the story might have been if we weren’t there to look after her on Sunday evening. 

You make your own choices in the world, and whatever happens you have to live with the consequences.

She was lucky this time. I wonder what happened to the other lost girls and boys who weren’t quite so lucky.


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